For the first time in forever, I finally feel comfortable to be myself. For a long time, I have thought that I was not good enough and that my flaws will prevent me from achieving my dreams. No one actually told me that I was not good enough, that would have been much easier to get over, it was me that was telling myself that I was not good enough. I have never truly believed in myself. I think that this mentality comes from the principle that I live by that I cannot control what other people do and I can only control my own actions. Consequently, I have always been cautious of what I do, tried my best at everything, and blamed myself for the misfortunes. This did not help my self-esteem, I have always been scared that I would fail.
However, the past six months of living in the UK have proved otherwise. I actually have more good qualities that I thought. I have faced a lot of my fears and did things that I once thought I could not do. I finally proved to myself that I am capable of greater things. I have learned to embrace my flaws and find new strengths rather than dwell on the traits that are harder to change.
This development is definitely the result of living away from home and being surrounded by different types of people. Living away from my parents has really made a difference. My parents have never stopped me from doing anything but it was me that kept relying on them. Now that I am living away from them, I have to deal with my thoughts on my own and give myself moral support. I am also glad that my parents have taught me well and I have survived the tough times. In this new setting, postgraduate study in the UK, have exposed me to various types of people that have helped me to reflect on myself. They help me realize how I can improve myself. There are those that have encouraged me to be the person that I can be and there are those that demonstrate the person that I do not wish to be.
This revelation has made me a lot happier, it feels like a load of bricks have been lifted off my back.
“He who knows others is wise. He who knows himself is enlightened” – Lao Tzu